Mending of a Spark
by Supermoi
Summary: Set right after the end of Knockout's lullaby. Knockout wakes up to his dead mate's body, but he's not alone. Somebot cared enough to come seek him and tries to comfort him. Would this special someone be able to help mend Knockout's spark? Some wounds may run too deep to be healed... Contains dark themes and adult themes. MATURE.


_Disclaimer__: _I don't own Transformers Prime. They are the property of their rightful owners, and I make no money from this works. I just play around with the bots!

_Summary: _ Set right after the end of Knockout's lullaby. Knockout wakes up to his dead mate's body, but he's not alone. Somebot cared enough to come seek him and tries to comfort him. Would this special someone be able to help mend Knockout's spark? Some wounds may run too deep to be healed...

_Warnings: _The occasional violence, smut, angst and some serious adult themes. Talks of suicide.

_A/N: _I am not sure as of yet if I'll make it a oneshot, or a multi-chapter. Suggestions and comments are always appreciated!

**Mending of a spark**

Early in the next morning, after the events that led to Breakdown's body finally being recovered, a lone bot was walking down the hallway towards the Medbay. Dreadwing had been wary of the entire ordeal. he hated the humans for what they did to one of their own... Desecrating his corpse in a way that made his tanks churn just thinking about it.

And of course, there was Knockout. From afar, the Seeker had watched the red medic slip down a path that was self-destructive since his mate was killed. Until recently, it had seemed that Knockout's will to live on had left him, and that all that remains was a shell of broken, torn up emotions. A spark maybe too wounded to ever be healed.

Dreadwing knew the feeling all too well. He had lost his spark twin only a couple earth years ago. He felt it through his very spark when Skyquake was deactivated... It was like having his spark stripped out of his chest and then torn in two right before his optics. And he had witnessed much of the same grief, if even deeper, in Knockout in the last few months.

He had been worried for the mech. he had never voiced it, but he had always cared for the hot, mouthy, temperamental medic. He had never said a word because Knockout was already taken, and Dreadwing was too honorable to try and steal another mech's mate. However, now, he was thinking about finally taking the first steps and acting on his feelings. yesterday, after Knockout was given the human Silas for dissection, he had been close by outside the medbay and witnessed most of everything that went on. He had to wrestle with himself not to barge in at some point, but he thought that knockout wouldn't have appreciated that.

So he stayed away.

Now though... Knockout hadn't came out of the medbay for an entire day since yesterday, and the flyer was getting restless. What if the medic finally lost it and did something drastic to himself to be with his deceased mate? He couldn't put it past the mech to try a suicide attempt to join him in the Matrix. it was how deep their feelings had been for each others...

he stopped in front of the medbay doors, dreading to go inside and see what was there. If he found a grayed out, empty shell laying along the broken body of Breakdown, he wasn't sure what he would do... Steeling himself, he finally pressed the control and the door opened...

oOo

Knockout's recharge had been restless. he had had nightmares in which he saw his mate being killed in many different ways, before his optics, without him being able to do anything to help him. Most of the time he found himself paralyzed through the entire ordeal, screaming and crying out his mate's name desperately.

Consciousness returned to him slowly, chasing away the last remnants of the nightmares that now constantly plagued his recharge cycles, and his systems started to boot. The first thing he noticed was the cold surface he was lying on, and that his arms were wrapped around something hard and cold as well. Memories of the previous day flooded his processor, making him startle completely awake with a harsh, raw cry of anguish.

"Breakdown!" He cried and draped himself over the dead body that he had taken so much times and effort into putting back together through the night cycle. "Breakdown..." He sobbed, coolant tears running down his cheeks to fall into the dull, lifeless chest on his dead lover. "I love you... Can't live without you... I tried..."

And he went on along those lines, emotionally breaking down completely for the very first time in months. He hadn't even picked up the new energy signature that walked into the premises of the medbay. Dreadwing had stopped when he was confronted with the scene before him. His spark clenched. there was just so much raw, pained emotions in Knockout's posture, his words, that it made his spark ache and froze him on the spot. The agony was so obvious... He thought he suffered when his twin died, but this was a whole new level of suffering that he had never thought possible. the two must have been even closer then he realized... Then what was healthy or even accepted amongst the Decepticon's rank.

"I... I can't do this alone Breakdown... I tried so hard but... It's too hard... I'm so alone..." Knockout was saying, caressing Breakdown's cold face gently, lovingly. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the cold and dead lips, while reaching to the side table to take a long sharp laser scalpel. "I'll join you soon, and then... We can be together again. All three of us..."

He pressed his free hand to his gestation chamber, feeling the slight bump there, and stroked the little sparkling that would never have a chance to live. This made his resolve falther for but a moment and his hand holding the scalpel trembled. He had to steel his resolve and remind himself that they'll all meet in the Matrix. He held out the laser Scalpel, ready to plunge it into his own spark, but a large, strong and firm yet oddly gentle hand took a hold of his wrist and stopped the deadly intent. Startled he let go of the makeshift weapon, which clattered on the floor noisily in the otherwise empty medbay.

"Don't do that, Knockout! Don't take your own life... It's not over!" A deep, soft voice said behind him, and he was gently turned around so he could see who it was that interrupted him.

"D-Dreadwing?... Why?..." He stuttered, too shocked to really process anything. Then it just sunk in. He had been all but ready to commit suicide and take his unborn child with him in the process, out of grief and pain. "I... I don't... Please don't... tell..."

And with that, he just lost consciousness right in Dreadwing's arms. The large flyer caught him easily, just now noticing that he was carrying as the unmistakable swell on his stomach gave away. It made him even more grateful that he did decided to come here and check on the grieving medic... he held him up and carried him out of the medbay, and away from the grim reminder of his dead bondmate lying on that medberth like a lifeless doll.

oOo

Knockout started to come out of his stasis with a horrible processor ache. It was like he'd been partying all night long and had a few drinks too many... He moaned painfully and curled up on himself protectively. At least he felt comfortable lying on a soft, cushioned surface. Probably a recharge berth... He didn't remember leaving the medbay to return to his quarters though, so how did he end up here?

Wait...

Dreadwing! Now he remembered! He had been trying to... To commit suicide, and Dreadwing stepped in and stopped him. Now that he could think back, he found himself grateful that he was there to stop his grief-stricken bout of madness. he would've gone to the Pit if he killed himself, even more condemning his unborn sparkling to the Limbo... he would've never rejoined his mate...

"Dreadwing?..." he asked timidly, feeling almost like an intruder there. "I... Are you here?"

"Yes, Knockout. I am right here." Dreadwing's voice answered, right behind him, and he could now feel that there were arms wrapped securely around his waist and he was pressed close to a large, warm frame.

Knockout's first reaction was to freeze up. He hadn't expected it. He had never even realized that Dreadwing had that kind of feelings for him! He had been so wrapped up in his own misery that he barely noticed anything, really. He tried to get away, this was too much, too quickly, he was not ready! The arms just wrapped tighter around him, and easily held him in place. He whimpered and curled in a tighter ball, unknowingly making himself press harder into the larger mech.

"Calm down, Knockout. I mean you no harm." Dreadwing said soothingly, his cultured voice oddly soft and caring. "Hear me out, please?" he asked, not pushing it but his tune edged with an hint of begging.

Knockout nodded once, not thrusting his voice not to betray him. He could at least hear what he had to say. After that... well, he'll figure what to do. What else could he do? he was trapped here for now...

"Thank you..." he felt the mech shift behind him and one of his hand pressed softly against his expanding gestation chamber, protective and warm. Probably seeker protocol kicking in he thought. "I heard you in the medbay, earlier. When you were so... lost is the best word I think. Your pain... got to me. I know how it is to lose someone that was so close to your spark. I know the pain and grief all too well. But what I felt from you... Your pain and your anguish... It was beyond anything I could imagine."

Knockout wanted to shout, to scream at him that he knew NOTHING of what he went through. No one knew anything! No one CARED! he had been alone to deal with all this since Breakdown died... So why should he thrust anyone to say they understood and cared? He wasn't stupid! They were Decepticons for a reason! No one cares about anyone else but themselves! he and Breakdown had been an exception to that rule and he was aware of that.

"What would you know?! You know nothing about what I had to go through! Nothing at all! Why would you care?! No one ever did! it was always only me!" He wiggled against him, trying to get loose, but he was still firmly held, and he started to rage and scream, to claw and bite at anything in his range.

Breakdown endured calmly, sometimes hissing in pain when he was bitten or clawed particularly hard. he just had to let Knockout vent out his frustration, his anger and all the pent-up emotions he had kept bottled up in the last few months. it wasn't going to be easy to get him to thrust him, even less give him a chance to prove he did care for him, but Dreadwing was willing to take that chance. he had waited long enough in the shadows. Now it was time to act.

"Shh... Let it out, Knockout. You deserve it. Lash at me if it can help you. I'm here." he said soothingly, rubbing the mech's front and the swell of his stomach where a little sparkling grew.

After a while, Knockout was tiring out, having spent the last of his energies on that fight, and he was mostly crying and babbling nonsense. And even that started to fde after another half hour of this tantrum. No one could keep being so angry and violent for a long time, especially not a carrying mech. When he fell back into recharge, Dreadwing just sighed and kissed the top of his helm.

"Sleep tight Knockout. You're not alone."

oOo

_5 months later..._

Knockout woke up with a start. At first he had no idea what woke him up, until he remembered. It had been THAT dream again... That dream in which Breakdown come back to him looking like a undead, all rotten circuitry and bared hydraulics, and accused him of having betrayed him, betrayed them.

Knockout muffled a sob in the blanket and hid his face in the pillow, biting it to avoid making any sounds. It had been two months since that fateful day when Breakdown's body was finally laid to rest in a traditional Cybertronian way. The funeral Pyre had been solemn and intimate. It had only been him, Dreadwing, Megatron and Soundwave there.

As the last ashes of his former mate and lover rose into Earth's night sky, Knockout had broken down and he had to be taken back to the ship in Dreadwing's arms. he barely remember the next few days... Only that he'd been in and out of conscious and... Dreadwing's constant presence. The mech had become his second shadow, always close, always watchful and it had become a comforting sight to have him so close all the time.

He had helped him get through this a lot more then Knockout had ever imagines. And he had never imagined that he would start to fall for another mech then his beloved Breakdown as well. maybe that was what provoked those nightmares. His guilt over the fact that life had continued and he moved on. It was as if Breakdown's spark was restless because of it... like the ghost of his former mate couldn't accept that his lover moved on and had started a new relationship with the calm, honorable flyer.

When they first kissed, it had been like the gates had opened all over again and Knockout ended up crying in Dreadwing's arms again. He was a mess... but it had also been such a relief! His spark COULD heal, and it had started to. It was far from completely recovered, as those nightmares were proof enough, but he was getting there, slowly.

Beside him, his new lover moved and he felt a strong arm wrap around his not-so-thin waistline to pull him closer to a wide, warm chestplates. Knockout immediately sought comfort in the calming, soothing presence of the flyer, and burried his faceplates in his chest, listening to his spark beating slowly.

"Nightmare again?" he asked softly, not really a question.

"Yes... It had become worst, hasn't it? Every nights for the last few weeks..." he let out a small sob and keened tiredly. "Why can't he rest in peace? Why can't he accept that I had move on? It's like Breakdown wants me to stay miserable..."

Dreadwing tightened his hold on Knockout and kissed his helm, feeling his large stomach pressed between them comfortably. The sparkling chose that moment to shift and kick, and Dreadwing chuckled feeling it against his own plating.

"I think it had nothing to do with a ghost, Knockout. It's just your subconscious playing tricks with you. Your own guilt taking a concrete form, sort of." He explained patiently, like every nights for the last two weeks.

"I just hope he leaves me in peace, Dreadwing. I'm so tired..." Knockout replied grumpily, and yawned widely. His optics were dim with the lack of recharge, and he winced a little at the sparkling kicking him hard again. This one was going to have Breakdown's strength for sure...

The pain suddenly flared and he gasped, clutching at his stomach. "Dreadwing!" he cried, feeling something wet drip on his chestplates. "It... Its time!"

oOo

_3 hours later..._

The wials of a sparkling filled the medical bay, and Knockout laid on the berth completely spent. It had been three hours for the birthing process to complete, and he had been in so much pain he thought he was going to offline.

But he did not, and now, his little miracle, his little Downblast, was here. The sparkling was mostly blue with red trims and was a big mech like his Sire was. his faceplates were white like his carrier and he had his weird elf-like audio as well. He was deposited in his arms by Databurst, the new temporary Medic, and immediately, and tiny sparkling latched into the feeding line that Knockout had unsheathed.

"He's adorable. Looks a lot like you." Dreadwing said, chuckling.

"And like Breakdown. He had his built and his color scheme." Knockout added, smiling softly. "He's perfect..." he caressed Downvlast,s little cheek as the sparkling drank and this earned him a squeak from the little one, energon bubbling out of his mouth around the feeding line.

Dreadwing couldn't deny that fact. They'd been together for 3 months, and already he felt like the true Sire of this little one. His seeker protocols were fully online and he would do anything to protect that little one. HIS little one...

It's been a hard, bumpy road they travelled, with lots of highs and downs, but they went through it in the ends and, while they weren't completely out of the woods yet, they were getting there. Slowly but surely... It had taken all of his considerable patience to win Knockout over, and make him realize he did mean it when he said he cared about him and loved him.

he had been like a solid wall of negative emotions and grief to go through at first. But with careful digging, precise little blows and calculated tears, he had managed to tear most of that wall down. And now that Downblast was here, the future seemed a little brighter than a few months ago...

Mending that spark had been hard, but worth it.

-END-


End file.
